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Explore the best of Plato Quotes, as voted by our community. Download free high quality (4K) pictures and wallpapers with Plato Quotes. Updated for 2021. 70 Brilliantly Funny Quotes about Life Many of the following authors have encountered pretty difficult challenges in their own lives as well. Astonishingly enough, however, they all found unique and brilliant ways to humorously deal with these difficulties. “I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.” ― Plato, The.
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“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”
Douglas Adams
70 Brilliantly Funny Quotes about Life
Many of the following authors have encountered pretty difficult challenges in their own lives as well. Astonishingly enough, however, they all found unique and brilliant ways to humorously deal with these difficulties. As such, their humorous perspective has allowed them to approach heavy problems with a much lighter and more positive attitude. After all, when you’re not fearful and depressed, you’re a lot more likely to find solutions that help you to work yourself out of the trouble you’ve encountered.Here are these truly funny quotes about life
1.
“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”
Elbert Hubbard
2.
“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow! What a Ride!'”
Hunter S. Thompson
3.
“I’m sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It’s just been too intelligent to come here.”
Arthur C. Clarke
4.
“Life in a box is better than no life at all, I expect. You’d have a chance at least. You could lie there thinking: Well, at least I’m not dead.”
Tom Stoppard
5.
“Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.”
Stephen Hawking
6.
“Books say: She did this because. Life says: She did this. Books are where things are explained to you; life is where things aren’t. I’m not surprised some people prefer books.”
Julian Barnes
7.
“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”
Robert Frost
8.
“If the real world were a book, it would never find a publisher. Overlong, detailed to the point of distraction – and ultimately, without a major resolution.”
Jasper Fforde
9.
“Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.”
Woody Allen
10.
“If cats looked like frogs we’d realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That’s what people remember.”
Terry Pratchett
11.
“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”
Robert Benchley
12.
“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.”
Albert Einstein
13.
“Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.”
Allen Saunders
14.
“Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”
Mark Twain
15.
“I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.”
Dave Barry
16.
“It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it’s called Life.”
Terry Pratchett
17.
“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.”
Cathy Guisewite
18.
“All the world is made of faith, and trust, and pixie dust.”
J.M. Barrie
19.
“I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”
Woody Allen
20.
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
Albert Einstein
21.
“If you don’t know where you’re going, any road’ll take you there”
George Harrison
22.
“The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache.”
Marjorie Pay Hinckley
23.
“Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.”
Terry Pratchett
24.
“Reality continues to ruin my life.”
Bill Watterson
25.
“The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.”
Bill Maher
26.
“Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.”
Mark Twain
27.
“A learning experience is one of those things that says, ‘You know that thing you just did? Don’t do that.”
Douglas Adams
28.
“If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.”
Steven Wright
29.
“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”
George Carlin
30.
“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.”
Mindy Kaling
31.
“Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”
William Goldman
32.
“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.”
Isaac Asimov
33.
“No intelligent idea can gain general acceptance unless some stupidity is mixed in with it”
Fernando Pessoa
34.
“If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank.”
Woody Allen
35.
“Everybody does have a book in them, but in most cases that’s where it should stay.”
Christopher Hitchens
36.
“Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I’m not going to make it, but you laugh inside — remembering all the times you’ve felt that way.”
Charles Bukowski
37.
“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush’, ‘Dick’, and ‘Colin’. Need I say more?”
Chris Rock
38.
“When I was your age, television was called books.”
William Goldman
39.
“All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.”
Chuck Palahniuk
40.
“Sometimes you know you’ve got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasn’t so messed up, it wouldn’t be like that. If the world was normal, a girl being nice to you would be a good sign, but in the real world, it isn’t.”
Nick Hornby
41.
“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.”
Douglas Adams
42.
“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.”
Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
43.
“Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.”
Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
44.
“A hangover is the wrath of grapes.”
Dorothy Parker
45.
“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”
Woody Allen
46.
“Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.”
Albert Einstein
47.
“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.”
Rodney Dangerfield
48.
“To get back my youth, I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.”
Oscar Wilde
49.
“I’d rather be a rising ape than a falling angel.”
Terry Pratchett
50.
“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”
Blaise Pascal
51.
“Hooray! Hooray! The end of the world has been postponed! „
Hergé
52.
“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”
Winston S. Churchill
53.
“This life’s hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid.”
George V. Higgins
54.
“If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.”
Lawrence Ferlinghetti
55.
“We are stuck with technology when what we really want is just stuff that works.”
Douglas Adams
56.
“Short cuts make long delays.”
J.R.R. Tolkien
57.
“When the postman rings twice, don’t answer it.”
Unknown
58.
“If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”
George Carlin
59.
“When in doubt, ignore and be horribly unimpressed”
Laurell K. Hamilton
60.
“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”
Phyllis Diller
61.
“Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future.”
Niels Bohr
62.
“If complete and utter chaos was lightning, then he’d be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armor and shouting ‘All gods are bastards!”
Terry Pratchett
63.
“When I ask how old your toddler is, I don’t need to hear ’27 months.’ ‘He’s two’ will do just fine. He’s not a cheese. And I didn’t really care in the first place.”
George Carlin
64.
“A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it’s the stupid ones who need advice.”
Bill Cosby
65.
“Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living.”
Jonathan Safran Foer
66.
“You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D’s in school. Well, guess what, I get F’s!!!”
Bill Watterson
67.
“The only way Bex would miss this would be if she were unconscious. And tied up. And in a concrete bunker. In Siberia.”
Ally Carter
68.
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”
A. A. Milne
69.
“I can’t decide whether I’m a good girl wrapped up in a bad girl, or if I’m a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl. And that’s how I know I’m a woman!”
C. JoyBell C.
70.
“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”
Will Rogers